Trust Is Not To Be Given Lightly… To Anyone…
I kept these two articles around for a rainy day or a slow day… and, as luck would have it, it’s raining outside now. Gloomy.
There are two main thoughts (one in each article) that I would like you to walk away with:
- PRIVACY DOES NOT TRUMP PARENTING! The Charter of Rights needs to take a back seat when it comes to how we govern our children’s use of the Internet. For example, children should not have totally private rooms with automatic access on demand to the Internet. Internet monitoring requires work and vigilance if parents are going to do a proper job.
- TRUST IS BUILT, NOT BORN! While the author of the article is talking about trust as it relates tot rusting others online, the more prevalent way to look at this statement is in regards to the way parents these days seem to trust their kids outright when they give them access to powerful technology like the internet and cell phones. That is SO WRONG! Kids should have to earn the trust and show that they are capable of using the internet properly… by that I mean not bullying others, not surfing for porn, not talking to strangers, etc.
We have to prove we can drive fairly well before we are given a license. Why is access to the internet given out freely and unrestricted by so many parents today? We need t be more vigilant and take advantage of computer monitoring software like PC Pandora that will let parents know what their kids are doing online.
Last time I checked, kids aren’t angels. Not all of them.
Check out these two stories and share your comments…
“Privacy does not trump parenting, said a mother of two children.”
If you’d never heard of Plentyoffish, Lavalife, Doyoulookgood.com, Webkins and Habbo, you weren’t alone.
These were some of the popular websites or online communities identified during Sgt. Robyn MacEachern’s well-received presentation on cyber risks Feb. 17 at the Ma-Te-Way Activity Centre.
But even lack of familiarity with the above sites didn’t stand in the way of this audience listening with interest and asking questions during the talk.
The youth issues coordinator with the Ontario Provincial Police’s crime prevention section since 2006 is considered a cyber-risk expert. But she said she’s constantly learning new things about the wide, wide world of the Internet that has become increasingly user-friendly – but not always friendly to many victimized users and non-users.
One of MacEachern’s earlier presentations elsewhere had sufficiently impressed Mike Quilty, the chairman of the Admaston-Bromley Police Services Board, that the Admaston-Bromley and Renfrew police services boards ended up co-hosting this event.
MacEachern said some of her presentations have met with very low turnouts, despite the ongoing public and media attention given cyber bullying, pornography, solicitation and other risks linked to Internet activity. But not last Tuesday evening.
She had an audience of about 110 people, or the best attendance since she began doing the talks in 2006. For more than 90 minutes she spoke and fielded questions, before meeting with the public informally.
“It makes me feel really good inside to see this hall nearly full,” said Quilty of the crowd that included Joe Girard and Dave MacDonald, respective staff-sergeants for the Renfrew and Upper Ottawa Valley OPP detachments.
Sgt. MacEachern, who has a B.A. in psychology from York University, spoke largely about the positive impact parents can have on their children, to minimize the possibility that their children will misuse (or be abused on) the Internet.
‘PRIVACY DOES NOT TRUMP PARENTING’
The Charter of Rights, she said, still takes a back seat when it comes to how she governs her children’s use of the Internet.“There is no Charter of Rights in my home,” insisted the mother of two young children, who each use the Internet.
“Privacy does not trump parenting.”
For example, her children don’t have totally private rooms with automatic access on demand to the Internet.
Also, stressed MacEachern, Internet monitoring requires work and vigilance if parents are going to do a proper job. So don’t, she stressed, use the Internet as a baby-sitter.
Through examples shown with or without video, MacEachern also made it abundantly clear how Internet users have been, or can be, emotionally abused. As one slide said, there are predators, cyberbullies, distasteful online content, and scams (that result in people paying for products that never arrive).
The Internet has also destroyed people’s lives in the same way that people spend too much time gambling. In one instance, MacEachern spoke of how a man reported the killing of a ‘virtual friend’ on his Second Life account after his wife hacked into his account. It was the first report of a virtual homicide, says MacEachern.
The impact of the Internet is also underscored by some hard facts.
For example, Lavalife and Plentyoffish websites are the source of about one-eighth of marriages in the United States, but also the potential source of very dangerous liaisons, she suggested.
Children also develop aliases, by which they identify themselves in online conversations. Yet, a 2007 Symantec study showed only 49 per cent of Canadians surveyed were aware of their children’s online aliases, while another 41 per cent of parents were not familiar with Facebook (which has more than 175 million active users worldwide). About 30 per cent were unfamiliar with MySpace or YouTube, two websites frequented by young people in North America.
TROUBLE SPOTS
In her talk, MacEachern identified Internet trouble spots as exchanging passwords with others, providing too much information and using webcams.Sharing passwords opens one up to having that second user misusing one’s own account and leaving recipients with the impression that they’re receiving messages, for better or for worse, from the account user … when often that’s not the case.
MacEachern played the interview of two parents, whose child was manipulated by an Internet user and resulted in the child killing herself in her own bedroom. The child committed suicide after she thought an Internet friend had suddenly turned mean-spirited and abusive. In fact, the mean-spirited messages came from another person who was her neighbour.
Cyberbullying isn’t restricted to desktop computers, either.
Increasingly, says MacEachern, kids are also being bullied by text messages sent through their cellular phones. Furthermore, youngsters may be as quick to learn to use the Internet as they are naïve.
SCARY SURVEY RESULTS
A 2007 Ipsos Reid/Microsoft survey showed 74 per cent of 10- to 14-year-olds thought e-mails were private conversations that no one else can access. Not so.On the topic of ‘too much information’, MacEachern said that may mean a child saying too much online about where he or she lives or attends school. This, unfortunately, may open the door to predators connecting the dots and making unwanted face-to-face contact.
Regarding webcams, MacEachern said too many exploitive things can be done with a picture that reaches the Internet.
Never post personal information or photos online unless dealing with someone both children and their parents know and trust, said MacEachern.
Despite that caution, she said some research shows 70 per cent of children would meet an online ‘friend’ face to face without telling their parent or guardian. Scary stuff.
And all the more reason, stressed MacEachern, to be vigilant parents and not to parent online activity as if it was a lesser evil.
Just as a parent would react negatively if a man drove up to a child on the street and asked her name, she cautions, so should a parent react similarly to those kind of approaches online. Because both can lead to disaster.
REDUCE YOUR ON-LINE RISKS
There’s plenty of help for parents and other adults who want to reliably monitor Internet use by themselves and other family members or friends.Among the educational material handed out by OPP Sgt. Robyn MacEachern, after the Feb. 17 presentation on cyber risks, were fridge magnets printed with numerous suggestions for family members and young people.
Some family recommendations were:
- Set reasonable rules about Internet use. Remember that the Internet is not an electronic babysitter.
- Be aware of your children’s online profiles, and discuss the impact of the information they might reveal.
- Resist reacting negatively if your child encounters trouble online. Negative reactions can encourage children to hide their problems, which can lead to more problems.
- Ensure computers are in a high-traffic area of the house.
- Learn about your children’s online activities and friends the same way you do in real life.
Recommendations for young people included:
- Question what you see online. People can easily lie about age, gender, interests, personality, almost anything. So question everything.
- Don’t say anything online you wouldn’t say in real life.
- Protect your passwords, make them hard to guess and share them with no one (except one’s parents). And, if you have shared your password, change it and don’t share that new password with friends. Also, make the password hard to guess. For example, suggested MacEachern, take the first letter from each word in a sentence you create.
- Talk to a parent before meeting an online friend.
- Use web cams with caution. Anyone can capture your image (and use it an undesirable or destructive way).
Klugie’s Correctional Corner with Gary T. Klugiewicz
Trust is a wonderful thing, but…Editor’s Note: Every day on patrol, officers across the country have a positive affect on thousands of America’s children. And whether your “weekend” takes place on Saturday and Sunday or some other days throughout the week, many of us spend that off time working to make our own kids safe and happy. Through their work with the Better Kids Institute, PoliceOne columnists Gary Klugiewicz and George Thompson have begun to provide us with articles designed to deliver critical information in the areas of Life Skills, Safety & Defense, Fitness & Wellness, Bullying / Active Shooter, Internet Online Security, and Child Predators.
This is a new resource for PoliceOne members who have kids of their own as well as any officer who has had friends, neighbors, or contacts on the street with problems related to children. Our aim is to give you information that will help you as you face challenges from the children, teenagers, and young adults you encounter every day.
On occasional weekends, we’ll post articles from Gary, George, and the Better Kids Institute so watch for those features, presented with the permission of the people at BKI, in the future.
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Although it may be true, as the headline says, that the recent case of the “cyber sex case stumps parents and has adults grappling with the implications of the New Berlin students duped via computer,” we, as parents, shouldn’t be surprised by such conduct.
What we should be instead is prepared to work with our children to keep them safe. This incident dealing with Internet Safety is only the newest assault on our children and, in fact, our safety. The is whole incident is about “trust” – how we give it out, how we are betrayed by it, and how we can learn to manage “trust” in order to keep everyone safer.
Law enforcement officers have a saying that “trust is a wonderful thing but that it has no place in law enforcement.” At first this saying may sound extremely jaded, but speaking as a retired law enforcement officer, I have to say that at the point of impact this is the safest way to proceed. If you don’t know the person and are unsure of the situation, a reasonable degree of distrust is a good place to start.
This doesn’t mean that you trust no one but trust is built over time through a series of interactions where the person that you are dealing who acts trustworthy.
We need to teach our children this fact of life: although you will meet many people over your lifetime that you will develop a trusting relationship with, there are many bad people out there that are untrustworthy and may want to hurt you. By all means work towards building trusting relationships but remember that trust is built not born.
People who give their trust away are asking for trouble because there are lots of bad people out there ready and willing to betray your “trust.” Make sure that the person that you trust is worthy of that trust.
Parents, this should be the lesson that we teach our children. Yes, you should be wary “Stranger Danger” but you should learn to trust people who have proven trustworthy. Parents, let them know that you are a person who is worthy of their trust and that you can be approached as a sounding board for them to use when approached by persons who may be less-than-trustworthy.
Trust is built, not born.
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Gary T. Klugiewicz is retired from the Milwaukee County Sheriff’s Department where he served three tours of duty “inside the walls” as a Correctional Officer, Deputy, Sergeant, and Captain. Gary has served as a Shift Supervisor, A CERT Team Commander, and a Special Management Team Security Supervisor for mentally ill inmates. Gary has developed defensive tactics training programs for Police, Corrections, Mental Health, and Tactical Teams. He is an instructor trainer for the State of Wisconsin’s correctional Principles of Subject Control (POSC®) Program, the ACMi® Correctional Emergency Response Team (CERT®) Program, the Active Countermeasures (Dynamic Entry Training) Program for SWAT Personnel, and the lead instructor for Verbal Judo’s Tactical Communication for the Correctional Professional training program.
March 9th, 2009 at 5:57 PM
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