Pandora’s Blog

Bob Sullivan at MSNBC did a very length in-depth piece on parents’ misunderstanding of tools available to them to help keep their kids safe online… i.e. monitoring software (have I mentioned PC Pandora is the best?). Unfortunately, he goes to the regurgitating media go-to person, who has schilled for our competitors in the past, but don’t let that deter you from reading this ultra fine piece. There is also a short video segment that accompanies.

Now, rather than paste the entire thing below, as it is long, I want to skip to the technology part and comment – much like I did yesterday, but to a lesser extent.

So…

What you don’t know can hurt kids
Parents must understand online tools to protect their children

By Bob Sullivan, MSNBC

Use technology to fight technology

Many authorities suggest using technology to combat technology. Parents [should] regularly Google their children’s names, nicknames, even addresses, to see if anything unsavory has been posted about them. Others recommend filtering software, which limits the things kids can do online, and the information they can reveal about themselves.

About 75 percent of the parents responding to an informal MSNBC survey conducted three years ago said they’d consider using software to limit their child’s ability to communicate with others over the Internet. Filtering software like [PC Pandora], for example, can be set to prevent children from even typing personal information such as their name, address and phone number. But users were evenly split over whether they’d read their child’s e-mail, as the FBI suggests in its Parent’s Guide to the Internet.

“I _HONESTLY_ wonder if most of you realize what you are saying when you say read your kids e-mail,” said David Weaver on bulletin board that was hosted by MSNBC.com. “Reading a kid’s e-mail is like: Reading normal mail they send Eavesdropping on all their conversations Picking up another phone line when they are on the phone.”

Are you serious? It is NOTHING like reading normal mail, which is sent to ONE person and not to millions (or seen by, rather)… and guess what smart-alec, my parents DID pick up the phone to tell me to get off the phone, but they also knew who I was talking to. I didn’t randomly dial up strangers, nor did strangers randomly call the house looking for a young kid. Get your analogies straight…

One response: “Hands off parenting is not the answer. Blind trust and faith are why you see kids pictures on the back of milk cartons. Now, keep in mind I am not going to go through all their mail every night. They should just be prepared to answer for anything if and when I do.”

THANK YOU!

But while three-quarters of MSNBC respondents said they’d consider technological help, few parents actually use it — under 5 percent, according to some surveys. These programs work in a variety of ways, but generally either block your computer from a predetermined set of yucky Web sites; limit your computer to a predetermined list of Web sites; or block individual Web pages with offensive words. It’s easy to see the limitations of all three, and apparently parents have, too.

This means that fewer than 5% of parents (asked) have the balls to be parents. Truly sad. And they wonder why their kids are messing up their lives, addicted to the Internet, and/or meeting strangers. Monitoring software takes the guesswork out of parenting so you can verify and have proof. It makes you a more effective and better parent.

Some [parents] mistakenly believe the software is too technical to use or easy for clever kids to foil. Or they shrug and say, “I trust my kid.”

PC Pandora is TOO easy to use. The only excuse for not using it is laziness. If you know how to open word and type a letter, or open outlook and send an email, you can open PC Pandora and see who your child is talking to and what they are doing online.

But experts say parents often aren’t really aware of the extent of the trouble their kids can get in on the Internet… Here’s a collection of suggestions from several experts:

• There is no substitute for keeping up with the technology. Don’t shrug or say it’s beyond you. If it is, ask your children to train you. That will make sure you keep up with them.
• Learn how to examine your Web browser’s “History” files, or cache. Even if you don’t do it, make sure your children know it’s possible for you to know where they’ve been.
  Kids know how to delete this!!! But if you have PC Pandora, not only will you be able to see it, but also you can catch them trying to cover their tracks!!
• Look around your desktop, start menu or applications folder for suspicious programs. (see PC Pandora)
• Keep abreast of all your child’s e-mail accounts; understand that free Web e-mail may allow your child to have plenty of e-mail accounts you don’t know about.
• If your child will chat, take some time to come up with an alias, or fake name. One person suggests you give them a fake address and phone number so, if they’re being harassed, they have a way of vacating the situation.
  Awesome idea!
• Play around in Usenet and IRC chat rooms so you can talk to your children intelligently about them, and perhaps decide to ban their use. Contact your Internet provider to see what kind of Usenet groups are available.
• Do the things you would normally do in the real world. Get to know your children’s cyberfriends — certainly don’t let them meet anyone in person without your attendance. Because in the end, computers don’t hurt kids: People hurt kids.

Most of the bulleted points above could be done easier and more effective with monitoring software like PC Pandora. For parents to not be watching and not paying attention (in some way shape or form, whether you use software or not) is just irresponsible and borderline-abusive. If keeping a kid out of school for a day to go to a theme park can be considered child abuse (which is absurd), then so should letting them walk through the Internet door in your house unsupervised be. This isn’t fear mongering; this is common sense in the 21st century.

I haven’t done this in a while. I like to showcase various news reports on the overall issue of safety and offer my ingenious commentary. Hah…

Seriously though… below is an excerpt from a great story done by Linda Brees of The Greenville News in lil’ ol’ South Carolinny. This isn’t a rebuttal, as I do agree with much of what she says; this is more just my initial reaction to some things.

As always, I encourage and urge you to click on the story and read the full article… below are just highlights and my thoughts…

Get tools to protect children using Internet
By Linda Brees

Don’t ever let anyone tell you Internet predators aren’t a problem in our region.

When an administrative assistant from the Upstate installed a program that let her observe her 13-year-old daughter’s instant messaging sessions, she didn’t expect to learn anything alarming. Instead, she was stunned to discover the eighth grader was drinking and smoking pot. The mother was able to intervene early enough to curtail the problem and turn the girl’s behavior around. She also informed the parents of two of her daughter’s online friends of their children’s potential involvement so they could also address the problem before it escalated.

Meanwhile, a North Carolina father who monitored his 13-year-old daughter’s online chat activity discovered that the girl was having a sexual relationship with her 37-year-old middle school teacher. Using records of chat sessions, he was able to gather enough evidence to convict the teacher of statutory rape.

Two excellent and common cases of what happens when parents use monitoring software like our PC Pandora 5.0… we have our own such testimonials from parents and even teachers who were able to deter potentially dangerous and harmful behavior.

It’s stories like these, of course, that fuel the sales of parental control software. But as the technology of parental oversight has improved, parents and caregivers face tougher questions about when responsible supervision turns into paranoia or an invasion of children’s privacy. Five years ago, most parental control software was used only to filter the Web, blocking children from pornographic or violent sites. Now, parents can have godlike powers over their children’s online lives — viewing everything the kids do as they surf or chat, and immediately stopping any activity that the parents disapprove of.

Interesting take…

Naturally, every parent wants their child to be safe, whether the child is online or on the school bus. And certainly if you suspect your child is involved in drugs, inappropriate relationships or other dangerous situations, it’s your responsibility to step in and intervene using whatever tools necessary. But, if parents have no particular reason to suspect trouble, should they be reading their children’s digital diaries?

I’m going to pose two responses here: first, it is hardly a digital diary. MOST of what kids are doing is public and the parents are the only ones not reading the writings. This is not the lock-and-key diary of centuries past; those diaries weren’t portals through which kids were able to literally talk to and showcase themselves to the world. Stop comparing it to a diary. Second: this is also where parental duties and parental courtesy have to be separate. You don’t need to know who has a crush on who, but you need to know if your daughter is talking to someone whom you are smart enough to see is not who they say they are.

Psychologists and child safety experts say yes under two conditions: First, establish a set of ground rules and standards for going online that both you and your child can agree on, and, second, let your kids know you’ll be checking in on them.

Excellent…

Parents have a responsibility to monitor the whereabouts of their kids, whether it’s in the real world or the cyber world. But it’s important to keep a balance between looking over your child’s shoulder every second and putting your head in the sand — somewhere between the two extremes is the prudent parent.

Exactly as I stated above!!! Same wavelength…

What about old-fashioned trust? Many parents — even those who know the perils that exist online — are confident that their kids will make good decisions and believe that monitoring their online activity would send a damaging message that they’re not trusted to behave responsibly.

Even so, given the right situation, any kid can make a poor set of choices. If we parents think that our children are immune to temptation, we’re kidding ourselves. If there’s no accountability, the chance of a child breaking the rules increases.

You answered the question before I could, but I would also like to toss this idea to the jury: what about old-fashioned respect that “youngsters” had for their “elders”? It is gone. Kids today have zero respect for their parents or teachers. Shows like Super Nanny and Nanny 911 would not have existed 25 or 30 years ago because kids did not act like that. What started out as a righteous movement (known as the “self-esteem” movement – Google it) has given way to a topsy turvey world where kids get what they want and think they are always right. Parents stopped being stern rule enforcers and behavior instructors and became friends with their kids. There’s no better example than the usual control of the Internet and the average American household. In addition, kids see the Internet in a different way: to them, it is not a convenient tool; it is a necessary part of life – which, as anyone over 30 knows, is not true. So when you have a younger generation more proficient in technology, with the upper hand of authority, and yet still possessing the immaturity and under-developed real-life skills of a teenager, bad things happen. And that is why parents need to take back control, stop being scared to be a real parent, and monitor their kids. It’s not so much the predators (though they aren’t taking things easy in their hunts) as it is cyberbullying and protecting your child from doing something stupid on the world’s wide stage that will haunt them later. [/rant]

While discussions of online hazards and Internet monitoring often focus on blocking porn sites, the greatest danger may lurk in chat rooms and e-mail in-boxes. This is especially true for older kids who spend time instant messaging and hanging around in chat rooms, where none of the usual social controls are in place and it’s easy to hide behind a false identity.

Again, nothing is private - why are the parents the only one’s not aware of what their child is saying? This is where PC Pandora monitoring software comes in…

But parents and caregivers have a new tool to help keep their children safe — the upcoming Predators in Upstate South Carolina: How to Keep Your Children Safe Symposium, an invaluable guide to learning about abductors, how they operate and what you as parents can do to prevent your child from becoming the next victim…

Sorry this is a bit long. I’ve been trying to shorten or make shorter the posts… but it’s an addictive topic. It’s a real issue that many chose to ignore. Others like to discredit it. Yet, just like cervical cancer (someone once told me), it is the only [social malady] that can truly be prevented. The answer is right there. Monitor your child’s PC activity - not just online, but offline too (to make sure they aren’t distributing illegal content or originating evidence of cyberbullying). Take a look at PC Pandora and what it can do for you and with you.

Knowledge is power! You can be a powerful 21st century parent with PC Pandora 5.0 monitoring software… BUT, with great power comes great responsibility. Don’t abuse it. Know what is effective proper parenting, and what is a senseless invasion of privacy and teen growin’ up.

Special Saturday post here because this is timely – the state of PA Attorney General’s office is doing a contest called Operation Safe Surf, to promote Internet safety for Pennsylvania teens.

The contest, co-sponsored by Microsoft and Comcast, is part of an initiative to keep kids safe on the Internet and was open to all Pennsylvania middle and high school students. Students were encouraged to help spread the word about online safety by producing a 30-second public service announcement.

Six regional semi-finalists, three from western Pennsylvania and three from eastern Pennsylvania, were chosen out of dozens of entries by a panel of judges. The finalists had the opportunity to travel to Harrisburg and put the finishing touches on their videos in a state-of-the-art production facility.

Internet voters pick the winner. Voters have until May 2 to pick a safety video.

Visit www.videocontest.attorneygeneral.gov to vote.

A bit of self and cross-promotion here today on the blog. I am very pleased to announce the first event I what we expect to be a long and fruitful relationship with the guys at CyberHood Watch.

Dave Ballard and Bill Wardell have started an online community that serves as an Internet neighborhood watch – hence, CyberHood Watch. From keeping your kids safe online to personal protection from ID theft to simplicity of using the right antivirus program, the CyberHood Watch is a place for people to discuss and get answers.

We’re very proud to partner with them. We’ll be doing radio interviews from time to time and will be an active part of their community.

For starters, you can go to the CyberHood Watch blog and read about the interview I did. I have added their home page to the Blogroll. You can also download this .pdf which is a series of 8 questios I answered for the guys…

You should also visit and mark their BlogTalkRadio page, which I have also dropped into the Blogroll.

But the best part, this is the direct link to the page that contains the 75-minute interview I did with Dave, Bill and “Jewel.” Jewel is a mom who used PC Pandora to save her teenager from a very dangerous lifestyle. We can’t thank her enough for co-guesting the interview with me and sharing her story. It is certainly one that should make parents think twice before letting their kids have free reign on the Internet.

You can also listen to it below in the player.

I don’t know what else to add other than we are so excited to be a part of this new community. And again, our thanks to Jewel for sharing her story with listeners and other parents!